When the "right thing" might not be

Wow, have things gotten spicy. John McCain picks an outdoorsy wife and mother of five—oh, yeah, and a Governor—to be his VP running mate, and then it became needful to announce that the governor’s 17 year-old daughter Bristol was five months pregnant—and unmarried.

One of the earliest talking points out of the campaign was the silver lining—Bristol was “keeping” the baby, and more specifically, she hadn’t gotten an abortion. But even before that came the subtle but important assurance for the public that the baby’s father and the governor’s daughter were indeed going to get married. As it was called when I grew up, they’re doing “the right thing” (in contrast to the “wrong thing”—which was either NOT getting married, or NOT having pre-marital sex in the first place, I never knew for sure which.)

Anyway, I’m glad for the good news that the baby’s safe (though I’d argue that teenagers “keeping” a baby isn’t always as noble as placing it for adoption). And I’m glad for new of their upcoming wedding…
• IF the 18-year old Mr. Johnston is really committed to honoring Bristol as his lawfully-wedded wife.
• IF they’re committed to raising their child within the blessing of marriage. And,
• IF he & Bristol are emotionally mature enough to see their future with one another clearly.
I have many friends who got married under similar circumstances, and God has honored their commitment to “the right thing” with a deep mutual love, exciting adventures, and healthy intimacy that has spanned the decades of solid and sanctified marriage

But after years of pastoring folks, I’ve also seen many instances where the “right thing” didn’t turn out so happily ever after. I’ve seen first-hand the dark side of the rush to “the right thing.” In those less joyful marriages, resentment and depression have drained the parents, and neglect, passive-aggressiveness and even abuse have traumatized the children. Let’s be frank: the hormones and emotions that propel someone into the backseat with a prom date aren’t the same faculties that help him or her identify and commit to a life-long relationship for better or for worse. And biblically speaking, getting married to the wrong person is not “the right thing,” nor can it atone for the sin of the sex that caused the pregnancy in the first place.

So, as politically helpful and parentally hoped-for as an upcoming wedding between the two young lovers would be, I’d just like to give a muted pastoral shout-out to Bristol and Levi:

We’ve all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God—and in one very concrete way five months ago you did the “wrong thing.” Yes, God wants to redeem and restore you both—but He can multi-task well enough that he doesn’t have to do it with you two together. Go see your pastors, and even more critically, a good counselor. Spend time in prayer—and talking truthfully to each other. And then make the decision that God says is right, regardless of whether it’s the “right thing.”

Prov 5 18-19 Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth…May you always be captivated by her love.